Is That A Bulge In Your Pocket Or Are You Happy To Go To Tribal?


So Survivor is back, and this is probably the least interested in the show that I’ve ever been. Obviously it sounds bad coming from a Survivor blogger, but the rinse and repeat style of bringing people back, having a few ‘crazy’ or ‘nerds’ scattered among models, actors or has-been celebs is getting a bit old.

I am not alone, despite the theory that people are not watching simply because they changed the name, the theme is becoming stale and repetitive.  While I agree sometimes I miss an episode because of name change, if I really wanted to watch the show, I’d remember to set the recording.  Ratings for last night’s episode were only slightly higher than the premiere, so either people are just incredibly lazy, or the show is stale.  I vote for the latter.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the last two shows.  While stale, it still has redeeming qualities of social interaction unlike any other on TV.  Sure, some things are silly, like forcing Cochran to wear a sweater vest (he said he never owned one, and was told to wear it last time he was on), but characters are real and lack of food/sleep can really turn a normal situation into uncomfortable moments.  Toss in characters like Phillip, and you have a show that still picks up nearly 10 million viewers despite the complete predictability each episode heads.

Let’s be honest, did anyone think Francesca was not going home the second she said “If I’m voted out first for the second time, I’ll eat this rock”?  Right away I knew the veterans at the very least lost the challenge, and it was going to come down to Francesca and someone else.  The someone else?  Andrea due to the guy with serious woman issues (Brandon) steering the way once again.  I can’t remember who called him a sociopath, but I think that may have been spot on.  Seeing as Survivor is the lead-in to Criminal Minds, how many times have we seen a Brandon Hantz type on that show?   The young guy full of rage who can never live up to standards his family set, so he lashes out and then is instantly remorseful.   That’s like every other criminal on that show.

Old picture, still relevant

With all that said, it’s hard not to root for the guy, I don’t know why.  Probably the same way Criminal Minds sometimes makes you sympathetic for the abused person who just slaughtered a bunch of people. Brandon is constantly compared to his uncle, and they were so disappointed in his season, most of his family didn’t even show to the reunion episode.  The only reason Russell did was basically to trash Brandon, and get more airtime of course.  I honestly feel bad for the kid who really seems like a good person deep down with some serious issues on the surface.

pippiMoving on, let’s talk about the fans for a minute. What kind of people did they cast?  You have the stereotypical angry black marine, Pippi Longstocking, the possible gay guy, the freaky looking yet well spoken guy, the ‘cool kids’, and a bunch of blondes I’ve yet to really tell apart.

I see the girls bashing the other girls yet have no clue who the hell they’re talking about because they all look the same.  Note: to the girls at the ‘cool kids’ table, you’re not any more or less prettier than the rest of the cast.  Don’t act like you won’t be forgotten 2 minutes after you’re voted out.

Because of the terribly generic casting for the fans, I’m having a hard time rooting for them yet, and will be pulling for the favorites mostly because I’m familiar with them… except Corinne.  I just had to look up info on her because I completely forgot who she is, and apparently she’s the girl who gave the nasty speech to ‘Sugar’ at jury during her season.  I watched that entire season, it was the first one in HD and it’s when Bob won.  However, even after watching her speech, I still don’t remember her from the show.   She had to be like 5th choice from cast members from that season, right?

I didn’t even get to the actual episode last night.  Let’s just say, it was another one where someone ‘randomly’ found the immunity idol (seriously, hide them better), and it put a tiny wrinkle of drama during tribal council but not enough to really do anything.  One of the blondes were voted out, so maybe I’ll be able to start telling the remaining three apart.

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Shocker – This Season Of Survivor: Philippines Is Actually Pretty Good

I know this is only my second post on the season of Survivor: Philippines, but that’s pretty much because I’ve been losing interest in the show in recent years.  The casting has been horrendous, with weak personalities who instantly idolize returning players and let them dominate.  Last season, they matched up a bunch of fit, smart girls against some of the worst male players of all time, and it was predictable just a few weeks in what would happen.

While there are definitely a decent amount of dopes, there have been some interesting players this year to balance things out. Let’s go through the list of some highlights…

Abi-Maria Gomes

Abi-Maria Gomes has been an interesting character this year.  For one, I can’t recall the last time I heard anyone on the show with such a deep foreign accent.  I know it’s a random thing to point out, but we have been treated to a mix of either well spoken, southern, or pretty dumb over the past few seasons.  It gives a little realism to hear someone who wasn’t born in America.   Of course her accent isn’t the biggest thing, her biggest feature is her crazy personality.  It was hilarious to watch her go from trusting ally to batshit crazy with RC in a matter of only like two episodes.  I still don’t even really understand why she hates RC so much, and I don’t even think she really does.  Maybe all the rain turned her a bit nuts.

continue for more characters this season…

Continue reading

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Survivor: Philippines – Here We Go, Season Begins Tonight

survivor: philippines

I feel like a neglectful blogger.  All summer I was hammering away at Big Brother 14, and even seeing tons and tons of promos for Survivor:Philippines, yet I continued to stick with Big Brother and not even prepare this blog for the season premiere tonight at 8pm est!   I’m doing my first post on the new season just an hour prior to the premiere, talk about slack city.

I haven’t been able to do profiles yet, and all I know is the guy who nearly died giving 100% is going to give 110% this year, which I assume means he will actually die this time.  In addition, you have the girl from The Facts Of Life, which shouldn’t be awkward at all seeing her about 20 years after the show aired.  Also, you have Barry Bonds major nemesis in Jeff Kent.  Those have been three of the most promoted survivor castaways this season, so I have a feeling we’re going to get a heavy dose of them tonight.   I know there are two other returning castaways, but based on the promos during Big Brother commercial breaks, be prepared for a lot of Jeff Kent.

And another confession, I haven’t taken a look at a single newbie so far.  This summer has been so busy, I have no idea what type of cast we’ll see this season.  Prior years I had guesses on where they’ll end up, and felt like I practically knew the people before the season started, but I decided I’m going to go in blind and take it from there.  I’ll gather first impressions and then spend the next week dissecting each player from who I think will win to which female will most likely get the largest portion of airtime due to the skimpiest bikini.   Speaking of, let’s hope they don’t kill us with blurs this season, although they probably will.   “Oh no, her bikini bottoms are slightly out of place and her cheek is showing, BLUR IT NOW!

So with that said, due to Big Brother, the season premiere blog is going to be quite dull, but I know I’ll do a lot of fun stuff assuming things pick up and it’s a fun season to watch.

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Kim’s Domination Of Survivor:One World Concludes

Kim wins survivor one worldThe marathon season finale of Survivor typically goes in one of two ways.. One is with plenty of drama and suspense, and the other has almost none of that.  Sadly, for Survivor:One World, it was definitely the latter.

Kim Spradlin, the 29 year old bridal shop owner, had this game so tightly wrapped that she was still leading two separate alliances heading into the final 5 tribal council.  The funny part is that everyone at tribal seemed to be well aware of Kim’s double dipping, but fought for her vote instead of realizing they’re fighting for second place (Although to be fair, in Alicia’s thick head, I’m sure she felt she was leading the alliance, but if you’re reading this, you weren’t). That was the domination of Kim’s season, and something that doesn’t happen very often. To be in two alliances, have everyone pretty much know, and still make it out alive shows just how powerful of a player she was.

While that was great for Kim, it was bad for viewers as it was probably the most boring episode, and definitely the most boring season finale I’ve seen on the show to date. Out of the 120 minutes of show, there was probably suspense for about 5 minutes when Kim and Christina were fighting for the final immunity idol.  Even that was curbed with the reality of the complete lack of strategy talk from the remaining four women.  If Christina won, you felt like she was still going to take Kim while securing a third place finish instead of fourth.   It didn’t even come to that as Kim won her 4th immunity idol in the final 5 chances to secure the million dollars and just had to figure out who gets the second and third place prize money.

The final jury questioning, which can sometimes be the one redeemable quality of an otherwise boring finale was one of the strangest and most awkward I’ve seen yet. Half the people didn’t even seem to ask any questions, like Tarzan who went off on some speech about his wife stepping foot on the island, and Kat telling people about her heart surgery and pleading to the jury for a Kim vote. The two biggest chances for some entertainment were Alicia and Troyzan, and while Alicia spent her time praising the best person in Survivor history (herself), Troy asked Kim a very stupid question and said it will decide his vote.  (I don’t even remember the question, it was that pointless… like “What made you vote me out” or something like that).

Like Troyzan’s season, he felt his vote meant more than it actually did and he was going to have an influence on the outcome.  He didn’t. His question, like his time on the show ended up to be a blip on the radar of Survivor history as Kim won easily with a 7-2 vote.  If anything, it made him appear more bitter and self centered than he already appeared throughout the season.  Kim dominated Troyzan just like she dominated each and every member this season. It wasn’t even close.  Alicia may have felt it was her game, Colton may have felt the same, but it wasn’t, and never was.

Survivor: One World will be remembered by two things… is Colton’s pure ignorance in life, and the second is that it was completely dominated by a 29 year old bridal shop owner from Texas.

Congratulations for the win, Kim Spradlin. You certainly deserved it.

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The Last Of The Zan’s

tarzan aka greg smith

Will this be Tarzan's last stand?

It’s hard to believe this is the second to last episode of Survivor: One World.  While Sunday’s finale will feature the terribly boring walk around the island putting out fires and talking about people they hardly remember (Kourtney Moon anyone?), I’ll spare people the trouble.  The season featured a bunch of early nobodies, a man versus woman feature that was quickly scrapped yet remained as part of the strategy, a gay republican, and a group of male players that had almost no gameplay ability.

As the season winds down to six, typically it’s when things start heating up, unless of course you’re part of Survivor: One World.  Tonight’s episode pretty much went the path of the rest of the season, sans last week when a surprise actually happened.  Kim remained in complete control, Tarzan lost another challenge, Alicia was worked up over stuff, they blurred out her butt despite wearing large bikini bottoms, and Christina acted like she was making moves when she wasn’t.

In the biggest ironic twist of the season, as soon as Tarzan finally did start to play the game (about 5 votes too late), he instantly became a threat and became the girls main target. This was in part to Kim’s fantastic ability to squash the growing fire, and Tarzan’s inability to actually play the game.  He would have been better off just shutting his mouth and letting the girls keep going after each other, but perhaps he was getting bored.

When Chelsea picked Sabrina and Kim for the reward challenge, Alicia was completely fired up and willing to draw rocks if it meant sending Chelsea home.  Instead of letting her take charge, Tarzan opened his mouth and started making the same promises to Alicia that he made to Kim.  Well, once things were settled down, the girls started talking, and he was exposed for his ‘plan’ (if you want to even call it that).

Tarzan spent the better half of the episode trying to convince Alicia to take him to the final 3, even saying that she’d have a better shot at winning it all over him. When he said it, I rolled my eyes thinking he was BS, however when I saw Mike flip Tarzan off after he was eliminated, it makes you wonder.  Did Alicia make the million dollar mistake tonight by not forming an official alliance with the weakest two players in the game?  I am beginning to think she did.  Hopefully Kim at least takes her out to dinner with the prize money she gets this Sunday.

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Survivor One World – All Fun & Games Until You’re Voted Out

survivor one world castUsing Kat’s age logic, being 33 I should be in a retirement home instead of blogging about the episode tonight, but I’ll somehow try to push through considering it’s been a few weeks since my last post.

Since I last checked in, the girls have been dominating Survivor like you’d read about. The remaining male tribe worked together about as congress when passing a bill, so it’s no surprise they were pegged off one by one until the lone wolf, Tarzan, remained just waiting for his turn. It was pretty funny to watch the lack of charisma someone like Troyzan had where he couldn’t even convince the bottom of the totem pole that they were the bottom and will be gone soon. He had the passion, but that’s about it, and it’s why he watches on from the jury now.

Now, you have Kim running the show, Christina and Tarzan trying REAL hard to stay under the radar, Alicia running around like it’s her camp, and the rest just kind of there. While I’d like to pretend it’s going to be interesting to see how the last few episodes will play out, the only situation I can see is Kim taking Alicia and possibly Christina and the rest just getting picked off.

Why Christina?  While she has somehow managed to stay under the radar, is in way over her head, and has shown absolutely no ability to play with any sort of skill so far. Even a disgruntled jury would have a hard time voting for Christina over someone like Kim.  Alicia, well that’s a tough one, and it may be a mistake Kim makes at the end.  While she may be delusional, the jury is full of people who are dumb enough to be there, and could easily fall for some speech about how she was pulling the strings while making Kim look like the bad guy.  Would it be true?  No… does it matter?  Not with this crew.

The only real upset I can see is if the girls get so overconfident that Tarzan is such a non-threat, they take him to the final 4 and he ends up somehow winning that final challenge. That would be hilarious and fantastic to see, but it won’t happen.  He won’t win if he gets to the final 4.  It just won’t happen.  If he did, may as well start writing him a check because you have 5 very disgruntled male jury members waiting to vote for him.

Random notes:

– I could finish this blog by going off on Kat for being selfish about her decision tonight, but let’s not forget that Alicia and Kim were just as selfish. Both of them could have easily passed up the chance to go in favor of someone else, I’ve seen it happen.  Kat was dumb for picking those two, but all three were equally selfish.  Just a little note on that.  I just didn’t want to see one person take the full blame for all three.

– Why do people act like they haven’t seen their family in 3 years every reunion show?  Each cast member has been vetted for many mental tests, yet they all break down to tears when they haven’t seen a family member for a month?  I haven’t seen my parents in about 3 weeks now, but don’t expect to burst out in tears this weekend when I see them.

– Anyone notice the previews that Tarzan is wearing Kat’s bikini bottoms on his head?  I don’t even know what to think about that.  I am kind of creeped out but also respect the power move at the same time.  It’s like putting the heads of your enemies on a stake to warn future enemies.  Those girls now know that he’ll be all up in their panties as soon as they leave, and it has to be in their head now.

– Someone really has to fire the person in charge of censoring episodes. Immediately.  One shot you see the girls from behind, each butt is blurred out, then a minute later the same shot is there with no blur, and nothing TO blur. The same with Kat and her chest. One scene it’s blurred, the next it’s not, and she’s in the same exact position.  Did something magically jump out of her bikini top and then back in a second later?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s too distracting to see blurry things.  Blur out slips, but let’s not act like the show is on at 11am on the Disney channel.  Butt’s don’t need to be blurred.

I’ll try to check in next week if it’s another good episode, hope you enjoyed the read!

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